I went to a psychiatrist about a recurring nightmare , where me and two friends get a bill for 25, and have to split it three ways. That's 8.33333333333..............

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I had a recurring dream once.

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When you wish upon a star, you are a few million years late.
The star is dead.
Just like your dreams.

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I had the worst Nightmare last night,
It didn't scare me at all.

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I never knew having an imaginary friend could be so problematic.
I opened a bank account for him, donated some of my funds, now I'm being done for tax evasion.

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They should rate dreams on a scale of Martin Luther King to Freddy Krueger

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I keep on having dreams that I am Iron Man.
They always end when the armor falls off and underneath it all I am Stark naked.

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I said to my mate, "I dreamt that I ate a giant marshmallow!"
He said, "Let me guess, you woke up and your pillow was gone?"
I said, "No, I woke up and one of my giant marshmallows was gone."

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I had a dream I was eating a giant marshmallow, and when I woke up...
My wife was dead.
Great morning all round, really.

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I phoned the wife today,
"I had a terrible dream."
And?
"You were there."
And?
"What do you mean? And?

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